What's Destruction of Relationships?
In the process of developing relationships, man and woman share responsibility, obligations, determine proximity, autonomy and personal space, and other issues. In this way, marriages form the roles of each member of the couple – husband and wife.
Wedding in our society is considered to be worthwhile and the commitment to living in a marriage is one of the most valuable obligations in human life. Relatives, friends and expectations of the public are putting great pressure on the couple if the couple want to make a difference.
But, despite good intentions and wishes, saving a wedding is not possible for everyone. Some couples imagine that the absence of conflicts is the essence of the perfect relationship. These couples hope, if they never bother, they will live together for a long time and have been happy for many years. However, conflict does not spoil relationships, but unrealistic expectations, lack of ability to express their needs, beliefs that always need the other and understand everything without words.
I would like to meet with expectations
One of the reasons why disagreements arises between the spouse is the desire to be a perfect wife or wife and to welcome their loved ones or dear.
In such cases, it is often believed that there is a need to feel or at least show someone else's favorite. Because of this, the role of a man and his wife often becomes very defined and, in particular, inflexible, leaving any place to personal freedom, where to grow or change.
For example, a man did not like interpretative music, but he liked his lovely wife so he bought tickets for regular lyrical concerts. Over time, the man refused to enjoy rock music for him and began to only visit musical concerts. In order to please her husband, a man has lost some of her hobbies. Although he shows externally that he liked the concert of lyrical music, he still wandered deep inside his wife and felt dissatisfied.
The same thing happened to a loving woman who wanted to put her husband off. She did everything she wanted for her husband: he tried to return from work as soon as possible, caring for her house and children, preparing her meals, rarely met & # 39 to friends He stuck in the mind that she would love it forever if she was a good wife.
Perfect Search Engine
However, endless homework, childcare began to suffer and overcrowd in the long term.
Unfortunately, management does not help maintain good relationships. Marriage and relationships must be protected by a collective commitment.
All this man was routinely accepted – he did not speak praise and did not thank. He took care of the family to ensure material well-being, so he worked so late. He returned from the work and was tired and asked the family to let him rest.
The woman was disappointed. When he returned from work a few times, the floor discovered the launch and asked: "Do you like this?", The woman shouted with anger. The woman can not show a "perfect" woman in her husband's heart alarm. The tears are the only way she could express her grief. Turning himself, accused him of not knowing anything.
Strengthening a woman's self-criticism, with self-confidence falling rapidly, and she even caught up in her husband and was crying. The relationship between a woman and a man became more and more similar to the relationship between the little girl and father: the wife was very dependent on her husband and she was her whole life. Even while working, she always communicated with thoughts, situations that modeled a man could expect from her and how she should act.
Even worse, the woman started, because she was so dependent on her husband and not trusted herself, it was all that was deprived of her time to spend time with her husband – his work, his friends, his parents, hobbies, and so on. The woman, because of instability and desire to satisfy her, and the perfect image of a woman, can not show her arm open to her husband because of the fact that she did not help the home and looked after the children. She scared at her anger with magnificent views, as she imagined her husband giving her a look for another girl.
He reiterated the prey's prey, the relationship ended, because the man and the wife did not find a way out. The wife could not believe in any arguments that he was faithful. However, when a man who lost was hoping to prove the honesty of his relationship, he admitted he had a mistress, the woman felt. She felt she was given her, left her, giving her all her best, as it was helpless and angry. The interpretation of the couple's relationship ended with repetitive violence and, ultimately, conflicts with long-term divorces.
Love is two loneliness
Couples who find them in a situation where a woman wants to be perfect for her husband and wanting her, relationships can come in different ways.
For example, a man can rely on the beautiful lady because he feels proud of it. Such a man wants his wife to take care of the home and children, not to work, because they fear that other men at work will not entertain him. He can begin to deny anyone who draws attention to him.
It is not a situation where a child, especially the firstborn, becomes the object of a man's conception. It's a shame that a man even admits he's angry with a baby. But it feels hurt, left and put. A woman can not stimulate the pain of a man, because it is an internal problem.
Such relationships also result in separation of spouses from each other, conflicting and often controlling, physical, emotional, psychological, economic, and even physical.
When at least one of the pairs can not feel itself, it is impossible to create close proximity.
The words of poet Rainer Marios Rilke describe the essence of the best marriage: "Love is two secrets that protect, protect and congratulate each other." Only two separate self-sufficient people who can recognize and respect each other's differences can create a close and agreeable relationship. Independence, often called autonomy in literature, is very important in close communication. He helps to maintain a close relationship without losing his personality. No less important is the belief that a close person will understand you. It encourages talk, expressing your wishes and expectations clearly, without fear of refusal.
Recognition of autonomy
How to create close proximity and avoid increasing dissatisfaction in confidence?
First of all, learn to recognize each other's independence. This helps to avoid uniting. When couple relatives are combined (two-state presence) or a couple for a long time with each other, then one of the partners seems to have more personal freedom to another as a desire to terminate contract As a result, there is a danger that the control of the links will come into effect. Unfortunately, management does not help maintain good relationships. Marriage and relationships must be protected by a collective commitment.
Secondly, learn to know your projections – a mechanism of psychological protection, where people attribute their merits, thoughts, feelings or intentions to another, trying to control, overcome their unpleasant feelings or avoiding responsibility. The assumption with each other helps to reduce the barriers between you and others. It often happens when there is a close relative.
A loving person often has the characteristics that life itself is not faulty or long-lasting. For example, "this is the only one I can talk to," "I feel as safe as it," "we're very helpful to each other because it's the same as me. " In these positive prospects, love usually starts. However, over time, it is clear that these projections do not overflow, and so some negative can appear, like "it does not really value me", "no one cares for it , just keep crying "," ever-promising "," she's never enough … "stubborn, being transmitted, does not completely respect me. "
Third, try to reject another change. There are plenty of couples who see unfair attempts to change each other and make very little change in their expectations on each other. Knowledge and understanding of you, finding out what can be changed and what you need to reconcile to help avoid disagreements is much more effective than the unfortunate effort to change the other.