Sunday , August 7 2022

A woman aged five and six: I refused anything and I didn't call anything


"I was lying in bed," he said, and going to the kitchen to make tea.

"I gave birth to the last three sons too early, and now the child is asking the world too early, it is quite a bit of complacency to give some activities." T on the side, and then the anxiety ends so I can make a healthy, healthy life, "she's opening."

Alina Sinice

Alina Sinice

© DELFI / Andrius Ufart

With Alina we met her and her husband in Vaido's home, where the couple grow five siblings. True, when we arrived, the children were still not coming back from the schools and the nursery schools, so the site was spacious and bright where we had a very quiet conversation.

“For me, pregnancy is such a magical time. As I tend to Lithuanian culture, all pregnant women and pregnant women are similar to goddesses. But that doesn't mean they are necessarily quiet and harmonious, – laughing at the big mother. – In fact, there are storms of various feelings and experiences inside, at least in me. I do not object. I allow me to be all sorts of, to experience all sorts of emotions – joy, peace, harmony and some kind of bad or similar. I don't think I would be quiet and harmonious by the time, especially when there are lots of children at home. But the pregnancy itself is miraculous for me, I feel like a creator. ”

The first child was born at the age of 23

For the first time, Alina remembers being pregnant for 23 years. She was still studying at university, and when she graduated, laughed and went to the lectures with her baby. When asked whether all pregnancies bring her new experiences, the girl tends to end.

"When I was waiting for the first time, I was only 23 years old, now almost 35. It's a completely different way of getting pregnant and its survival, its presence. T everything was very new, everything was afraid or surprised, in that sense, all the first feelings.Other pregnancy, on the one hand, is quieter because you already know how to be, how to On the other hand, it is even more patient because you understand what will happen after the pregnancy, what the joy will be with the child, ”the interlocutor shares t his thoughts.

And now, he says, the feeling is different because women are waiting for the first time. "First, it's emotional because I don't think it can be a girl. I used the fact that, if I look forward to being born, there's a real sense of my life." The boys and boys, ”laughs Alina. In addition, she smiles, saying that the boy's body and the girl are staying sending different signals, without cutting the finger completely.

Alina Sinice

Alina Sinice

© DELFI / Andrius Ufart

"A slightly different pregnancy – the abdomen is different, all the senses of the body are different, you want to eat something different, you want to act something differently or not," he said.

A big mother told her she was pregnant before her marriage with her husband. Pregnancy had not been planned, and before she became aware of her life, she remembered, the scheme was very different – getting married and having at least two years with her husband t , traveling.

"However, we have studied far from each other – a man graduated in America, I was in Lithuania, and we spent four years in the Atlantic. I really wanted to stay together after the wedding but when I was told I was waiting for my studies (I was waiting for the spring, and both of us were defending our diplomas in the summer), I don't remember the disappointment of disappointment – we couldn't plan for two I was very happy, I was very happy, because for some time now, maybe since the age of 21, I had been laughing at that. pregnant woman or with the newly born puppies.

The next kids wanted – one more and one more, and now we think we will be two. The time will come when the children leave the house or they will grow up and be of some age so we can leave them or one of them, or leave someone in their grandparents and their grandmothers and travel over them themselves, ”planning the woman.

The second pregnancy lost a loss

True, Alina does not hide that not every child came to the world smoothly. For the second time, a woman was expecting twins, but, as she says, she lost.

"Some time has passed since that loss and doctors have already allowed us to try again because we want a second child. We didn't know how to get it, and I don't know who was to blame. T That might be stressful after the loss, and that concern, and the tension, because when you're not lucky enough to try again, there's a lot of that. There was probably an inner fear that you could lose again.There were feelings that probably prevented us from starting to stay, ”the interlocutor recalls.

Alina Sinice

Alina Sinice

© DELFI / Andrius Ufart

He said, then, that the idea that children can come to the family family is on a different route, not necessarily biologically.

"There was an idea of ​​this kind, I do not know where it came from, but only if we are not afraid to get a biological path for kids anymore, this is another way – the child can come to the family t more so that we have a problem in Lithuania that many children have lost their families, and so we could increase our family and solve that child's misfortune, probably thinking we were calmed down. find another way of getting the children to relax, and we had the second son and the third son, and that mind was pushed to the side, set it, but eventually did not forget it. ”

The family of Vaidas and Alina, who adopted the family, have now been growing for nearly four years. In fact, when deciding on adoption, the interlocutor said, it was much easier for her than her husband, and she was thinking and she was returned to her home.

"When I had three sons with the desire to have children, I restored that idea. Perhaps because we really wanted our girls, and at the time, in society, the question was once again that there were lots of children in Lithuania who do not have families, live in orphanages or guardians, then I referred to the man again, and why we were going to our family now and without that child, more so because we have already Decide that way, that way is great, ”recalls the great mother.

Women help to build life on a wobbly foundation

The decision to adopt, told the girl, only one step. After that, he said, she had to evaluate her abilities, her skills and her preparation.

"Because that adoptive parents don't have to be judged by the side, but you have to evaluate yourself one and you're ready for it." , having the skills, understanding that the child is born and being raised in the family, there is one in a healthy environment, and to accept that a child in a family who has not suffered one or two injuries is a different one This requires preparation and decision making, and then lives for life, ”he remembers.

The girl came to the Sinic family at the age of three. When asked how to contact her, Alina says that the process is ongoing. And, probably, she'll continue for life.

"That start was not easy, because it might not have been so difficult to make that relationship, so that the child had become self-sufficient, but there were many obstacles so far. try to weave that connection, I like to say that some of those threads still kill like tempi tempi tempi and some trauma of the past.Then straight lines are straight back. The sense of uncertainty, rejection, and loss that was once experienced has a major impact on the development of those sustainable relationships and relationships that, even with little effort, create a biological child, ”says Alina.

Alina Sinice

Alina Sinice

© DELFI / Andrius Ufart

The woman already says she understands when the time comes when a little girl who smiles at home becomes a teenager and wants to re-examine her parents, her birth, to understand where she came from and why she has come.

"The professionals in the different fields emphasize the first three years or even the first three years of the child's life, as they are important in basing those foundations on life. Its foundations are as they are. T , and how are you now building that house on the foundations of such a? need to be treated with their repair to make life on top of those foundations sustainable. There is no need to delete the past from the child or try to deny that it was, and to hide it somehow. That's what you need to pick up, accept it, recognize it, and show it to & That child pulled along with him, to survive and live with that inner peace – yes, I tried it, it happened to me, but I left and went out of it and I've created my and my life to be good for this world, ”he said the interlocutor as his mother's goal.

Nothing has been left and nothing has to be done

In fact, Alina says that she doesn't spend all her time for children or homes. It has established two private nursery schools and, in future plans, a private primary school. Alina is a pilot. Speaking about family responsibilities, the solicitor has repeatedly stressed during the interview that the couple were doing everything together, sharing childcare, upbringing and domestic work, and t stereotype that the husband is the family winner, and the woman is not the parent of the children.

"First of all, if we look at the fact that a career is a separate subject, the family is a separate thing and other recreation is a separate thing, then we get that we have to sacrifice, surrender or try I don't reject anything, don't call anything and I don't even know if I'm co-ordinated. I have everything. I have everything like one My work, my family and my leisure time interweave so much that I wouldn't even be able to discriminate if I had to describe it.

I realized this quite early when I started building a family and had a son. I didn't even have a question that I had to choose now, ”he said.

Alina Sinice

Alina Sinice

© DELFI / Andrius Ufart

And when a man runs out for a day and not two, is it easy to resist all four corners of the house? – I ask the mediator.

"Yes, it is a big challenge as I will wear out the day, and that day can be longer than we are at home. The biggest challenge for me is when I have to have two children for not so much to keep up with them and talk to everyone else, but to be from two sources of energy like Mom and Dad Still, Dad brings energy to the children and meets his needs and he mothers are different.

Of course, they look after them – we rush, follow and eat fairy tales – but we say it does it in its own way. And I did it in my own way as a mother, like a woman and like Alina, a ridiculous mediator. – When he hasn't been there for a long time, when he goes on a business trip, I see the children without that relationship. I tried to give them that other relationship, but I know I won't be ashamed of it. Then I need to endure that child's nostalgia for sometimes their father's inadequate negative behavior. "

The most important member of the family is the man

In the presence of the children, Alina believes that they are trying not to be angry, to show harmony. The woman explains that she believes that parents, although small, must be guidelines, authorities, and not friends. That is why she believes it is important to maintain a good and strong relationship with her husband.

“My most important family member is my husband. First of all, we are not the two that hold that family and who has to keep that relationship. That relationship changed – first we became friends, then our loved ones, married, parents and everything else. That is how the relationship changed, but we are going together by the time. It is not true that children are born and we are just paternity, going to work and going into work only, we do everything with each other and work with those two with each other. Anything else we have – children, homes, dogs or some other activity – works – it's temporary.

Children are also temporary ones, they grow up, they will come out. There are temporary jobs – we'll finish one of the works, we'll start others. There is also a house, things, and everything in life, but most important to me is that we as a base are permanent, unchanged. That view takes us into consideration that we and that family are strong and sustainable so that we are, nevertheless, trying to keep together to keep up and go on, ”said Alina, sharing her family's recipe for success.

A woman aged five and six: I refused anything and I didn't call anything

© DELFI / Andrius Ufart

When asked how he appreciates the fierce debate in the public world a few months ago, one is the children owned by the parents; The woman immediately says she can answer this question immediately.

"We are not our children, they come through us and they are themselves. Just as I said, it's not our friends who have come through us, they're actually less than us, and we are more and more experienced, and we have to be guidelines, the authorities that help them grow.

My aim as a mother is to bring them to the people with a strong spine and sun under their heart. Strong spine means that they must be strong, self-confident, respectful of others and the environment, and courageous, and able to do what they like in life. And the sun under the heart is that love, so they love radiation for themselves and for those who love and love. To be creative, their creation would be devastating. I want to raise them with people. When they sometimes behave inappropriately, I say – this is how it is, so you grow up, not the beast – laughs. "I want them to grow up with people so as not to be overwhelmed," he said.

Ask – when to finish

When asked if she imagined her five broods to grow in her home, she says she has started battling with her husband for growing a basketball or football team. As the couple had a third son when Alina was 28 years old, she admits she felt surprised.

"We may not have been sacrificing an aspect of such a thing that something of our place with us here, but maybe it's a big surprise – why. In that sense, why are you so young, so early , so young and why you need so many children.

Now I notice that there are an increasing number of families with three children. And three children in Lithuania become less standard than one or two. And we are very happy. As we have had five children for some years now, and there will be six children, I don't get any negative views or attitudes at all, just surprising or sometimes questions – when the end, how much they will be, – Alina laugh.

A woman aged five and six: I refused anything and I didn't call anything

© DELFI / Andrius Ufart

Their family, the co-ordinator, never expected much help or support from the state. She always knew that she would have to look after herself and her children, so when talking about the state's attitude towards big women's families, she believes it is difficult today t . The child's money and other social guarantees seem to him as a gift, as the family is actively involved in social activities and trying to create well-being, as the interpreter says, not only to him. but others.

"When you give her the best without even expecting someone to return, but when you get that back through all sorts of legal things like child money or some kind of social security, or what discounts you have on the side of the business, you get it as a gift, not what you still expect, stay, challenging, or otherwise, t ”Said five mum.

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