Wednesday , September 28 2022

REQUIRED TO AMRY: Dad sings a bad deal for her parenting


Dear Amy: I am a 71-year-old man, retired and happy married for 44 years.

We have a son, 45, and a 43 year old.

Do you remember Harry Chapin's song "Cat in the Cradle"? That song describes our relationship with a son perfectly.

When I worked, he was going, going, going – a lot of travel, building for the future.

When I was home I thought I gave enough time to a son and a girl, but I looked back – maybe it's not.

Today, our son is very successful, but, just like me, he's going, go, go – he's always working.

He and his family live 2,500 miles away. We try to see them at least twice a year. In the meantime, the only time we have with them is a Skype session once a month with sluggish.

Our relative to a family daughter and daughter, who lives within a three-hour drive, is much closer.

I want a closer relationship with my son, but I do not know how to draw closer to us. Any suggestions?

– Road Dad

Dear Road: Thank you for reminding the politician Harry Chapin, who tells a rather scary story that is a very busy father who raises a son who then adopts his father's values ​​and then is too busy for dad.

I would like to suggest that you are the patient, the present and caring, your goddess deserves to have. Given the extreme distance between your families, this would mean ideal summer visits where the children travel to be with you. The establishment of roots that focus on families and low levels with them could lead to Skype calls more than a month. For now, write letters to both children regularly.

Regarding your relationship with your son, it is hard to establish a closer relationship without spending one-to-one time with each other. Even an annual short break or weekend trip with just two of you who will promote their relationship. Ideas include traditional grandson activities such as fishing or camping, taking weekend cooking classes, performing a service project or attending a weekend of TED discussions with each other. Ideally, you would choose an activity that has some open-ended and informal time, where you would get to know each other basically. If this man is very busy about spending time with his father, he will be opening his schedule.

I also suggest that you send a completely sincere letter to him by expressing your wishes, along with the words – or a link – to Chapin's conversation; the idea is that, if you knew what you know now, you might have done things differently. Say that you would like to be a different type of parent, now – and hope that it's not too late.

Dear Amy: We have good friends who invite my husband and I to the same restaurant on the same night each year during the holiday season. Their tradition is to go there, and invite other friends to join them.

We've taken them several times, but the truth is that I do not take care of this restaurant and have become ill after eating there.

They've been invited again this year.

I would like a decay in a nice way, but I do not know how. I do not want to lie and say we have other plans when we do not.

What should I do?

– Incredible Hotel

Dear Dependent: Ideally, you would find a way to attend this annual dinner without eating foods that you do not like. Otherwise, do not lie. Simply copy some dread. You can say, "This is a little embarrassing, but I do not like that restaurant. Apart from great times there, I've had a bad response to food. We're delighted with & # This tradition, but I think we need to campaign this year. We would love you to see you, can we make a plan for some time just after the holiday? "

Dear Amy: I have a big problem with a reply to "Feichus," who wanted to tell her daughter about her father's suicide's suicide. I can not believe that you recommend continuous confidentiality for this! Suicide tends to run in families. The girl should be told.

– Start

Dear Upset: I recommend that it is genuine and transparent about suicide. But this girl was in the primary school. Father of the child (not the mother) is the one who should lead this disclosure, as he was his father who died. This family should take time to come to terms with this loss, and then disclose it with honesty and compassion.

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