Dear Amy: My husband “Thomas” and I, the two who are retired at 67, have been together for 39 years and have married for four (we are in a marriage of the same sex).
About three years ago, Thomas met “Ray,” aged 13 and in a satisfactory and challenging career with irregular hours.
After a few years of one-to-one dates, by mutual agreement a year ago, the three of us now spend a couple nights with each other every week. We have all come to have a deep love for each other.
Ray doesn't often open for his friends, family and early life. Most chatting outside of our time with each other are hosted by text. Sometimes, texts can be misunderstood, and that is an issue that is repeatedly raised for us.
When a day or more passes without a text from Ray, Thomas is becoming more concerned that Ray is pulling out of the relationship. By the third day, Thomas is by himself, and his fears begin to undermine my balance.
This has happened several times, and each ends dramatically when Ray is typing the work and really loves us.
Could you advise me on ways to help Thomas cope with Ray's occasional silence with more correlation?
– Sometimes a Young Hour
Dear Teens: I suggest that two of you are in an “open marriage,” and now a versatile relationship with “Ray.” One danger of allowing a third person to your wedding is that you have created a triangle, and relationship triangles are unstable t .
People are rarely identical in managing anxiety. (For example, parents often face an imbalance of anxiety about their children, where one parent will ignore a child's actions, and the other will remain quite quiet.) T
It is not your job to manage your partner's feelings or reactions, but to manage yours. How do you feel when your husband expresses such a extreme reaction? You should be honest with him about the impact of his behavior on you.
Alternatively, you could refer to patterns to help your husband recognize and perhaps manage his own fears better: “Every time Ray behaves like this, you are sent in. Can you look at this pattern and trust the process so that you don't always be put through the wringer? ”
The emotional roller can harm his health, as well as being destructive to your relationship with each other.
Dear Amy: My friend is married with two children. We are close and we share almost everything. Our person is gifted, but her marriage is unhappy. She has lots of activities to put right.
Recently, she had a married male “close friend” who would often talk to her about her marriage problems. They texted back and forth a lot. He told me that he was always kind and understanding. They came very close.
This man seemed to be a gentleman, as he listened mainly and did not share anything inappropriate with my friend. Most of the time, my friend dominates their texting conversations.
Eventually, the man's wife was told about their communication and stopped immediately.
Recently, my friend asked me to contact him to ask why he had given the best to communicate with her (her number was blocked).
When I refused, he became very distressed and hostile.
What can I do? Should I contact him so that she is not upset? She's very unhappy at the moment. Are we not all qualified to our own happiness?
If my friend is unhappy with her marriage, is it wrong for her to seek her own happiness somewhere else? It's not like it's cheating because all they did was talking online. They met once, but had other people with them. What should I do?
Dear Confusing: All you need to do is encourage your friend to work on their own problem solving skills, and deal directly with their marriage problems. You should not be involved in any circumstances.
Yes, we all have the right to our own happiness. But we must follow our happiness in ethical ways. Participating in an emotional relationship with a married man is not ethical.
Dear Amy: I made a real “spy” with the first line of your answer to “Noodling on it”, which complained about customers weeding weeds in a ramen shop. You wrote, “I have to draw attention to what is obvious: Weeds and ramen seem a magical fit.” Thank you for the laughter.
Dear Fan: As I often say: I'll be here by week!